Sunday, February 14, 2016

Cupid is Stupid

‘What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?’ my friend asked me excitedly.  ‘Nothing’ I replied quickly and without a moment’s hesitation hoping to end the topic there. ‘Why? Did you both have a fight?’ Arghhhhhh… I was hoping I can get through one year without having this annoying conversation!

I’m a bit of a Valentine Scrouge.  It’s all humbug and whatever for me.  I used to be all starry-eyed and full of dreams of how my valentine’s day should be when I was younger,  but the older I got, the more meaningless these celebrations seemed to me.  The thought of celebrating one day a year to show the world you love someone and are loved back is silly. Going over the top with romance and the need to prove to others ‘I am more loved than you are’ is even worse.

It seems like a competition these days. ….

My husband bought me 101 flowers and took me to Nobu for dinner.  Such a surprise!

My boyfriend took me to this exclusive restaurant which has a 2 month waiting list.  He has been planning this for months.

My husband flew me to Paris for a romantic getaway!

The above plans sound amazing and I am sure you and your partner never fight or want to strangle each other. Good for you! My question is why do you think anyone else cares? Now I am not against expressing your love for your partner or being Bollywood hero style romantic where you cut your wrist and mark your lover with your blood (ok that’s creepy and run in the opposite direction if that happens).  What I do not understand is the need to talk about, discuss and show the world how much your partner loves you, instead of just enjoying the love.  Haven’t we completely lost the essence of romance?  Don’t we equate expensive over the top public displays of affection as love?  What happened to sitting at home in your pajamas and watching a movie together or as in my case ignore the day completely because one day is not an indicator of a loving relationship.  Trying to make others feel you are in a more loving relationship than them is definitely not what the day is about.  Spread the love and make others feel as good as you are feeling!  The world definitely needs more of that.

‘Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one of them.  Break their bones, they have 206 of them’ I hope you all had the valentine you wished for!

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

It's Impossible!

“Did you see her abs” I said out loud to no one in particular as I sat chomping on a snack (it was a healthy protein bar, before u say anything)  and reading a Bollywood magazine.  The ‘Her’ in question was the actress Parineeti Chopra who has taken some time off (to be read as does not have any films at hand) to work on her body because it seems acting talent alone cannot get you jobs in the industry.

I immediately called my friend who is my cheerleader and started bombarding her with questions as to how? why? and when? did Parineeti become the poster child of fitness.  Her response was quick and simple, ‘They are not real!’ Not real? Really? How does one have fake abs? I asked. ‘Photoshop babe, everything is possible with photoshop.’ I knew she was only saying this because she knows how hard I train and my abs are about as visible as snowflakes in Dubai.

Parineeti decided to change her body and do what it takes to get what she wants and what I needed to focus on was  how she did it rather than coming up with a 1001 excuses why I couldn’t do it and then feeling sorry for myself.  The question is not whether they are fake but whether I can put in the effort it took her to get her abs.  The answer is yes and no.  Yes, I can do my best and no, I can’t dedicate the amount of time she did to get her abs in 6 months. 

Humans are wired for survival and the need to make yourself feel better is greater than the need to be kind to others.  So in a situation where your brain feels threatened (here my brain is already feeling the pain of working out 3 hours a day) it will either blatantly refute facts (Abs are not real) or tear the achiever’s efforts down (again abs are not real) or  tell you what you want to achieve requires so much effort that  just thinking about it is exhausting and it's way better to abandon the thought altogether.

My brain is completely destroying my chances of even thinking I can achieve the impossible by making it impossible in my head. I have finally caught on to this destructive pattern now and realised how many times I have sabotaged myself by saying ‘’It’s Impossible’’

Working out 6 days a week – Impossible
Being a successful entrepreneur and good mother – Impossible (society says you have to choose one or the other)
Six-pack abs – Impossible
Being a Victoria’s Secret Model – Impossible
Giving up Sugar – Impossible

Well none of it is impossible. Ok the last 2 are really impossible for me but no harm in putting them on your wishlist to spook your brain.  Everyone who gets to the top and achieves what seems impossible has first made it possible in their head and then put in the immense effort to achieve it.  Some people are born with advantages (damn you Beyonce for winning Grammys, being a mother and staying fit) but you can’t grudge them that.  Instead choose to find your advantages and set crazy impossible goals for yourself because that is a helluva lot better than telling yourself you are not good enough.

Imagine with all your mind, Believe with all your heart, Achieve with all your might…. The body achieves what the mind believes! – Anonymous
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